My journey to coaching was not what I planned. I have always thought of myself of a strong person who would have a happy and successful life,  but nothing could have prepared me for the indescribable pervasive pain and devastating impact that betrayal trauma would have in my life.  After years of unproductive efforts to help my spouse find a healing path, I felt totally broken.  I repeatedly experienced deceits and disclosures, emotional abuse and crushing hopelessness. I felt  destroyed, helpless to stop the pain that felt like a huge wall separating me from my own heart and my creative, life-giving center.  My heart was shattered so often that I wondered if it would ever be possible to put it back together. It felt like an endless cycle; I was tired; so very tired, and couldn't see a way out.

 

After a second lengthy separation for symptoms of compulsive lying, sexual addiction, treatment, and the intense physical challenges of an undiagnosed, disabling illness (while deeply grieving the loss of my stillborn baby girl), the grief and pain were so heavy that I felt leaving this existence was literally my last hope for relief.  Everything I loved was gone, and now even the tiny life I had been living for couldn't provide hope. I had turned the page to one of the longest and darkest chapters of my life. I forgot how to laugh, and I didn't have any more tears to cry, and yet they still fell sometimes, all night long. Somehow I was both numb and in excruciating pain. 

 

My path to self-discovery, wholeness and healing required a courage I had not yet found, and could have never summoned alone.  I'm sure God held me through that space, even when I didn't even believe he was still there. With the treatment came outside resources, and gentle teachers began to show up in my life. Something in me I thought was long dead began to stir from the dust.   I slowly and painfully re-learned to open myself to my own and others love. I found a way to believe I was worth enough to value my own healing and begin to unlearn the false beliefs about myself that had held me hostage to the pain.   Stepping into the most vulnerable spaces in my heart time after time proved to be the scariest, but most  rewarding thing I have ever risked doing.  But it brought with it tiny rewards like flecks of  gold as I began to recognized pieces of myself that could be renewed and transformed--and I wanted to find them all. 

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I learned  who I was (and was not) at my core being.  I found within myself "an invincible summer"; a grounded way of being that held me fast to a foundation of self love, compassion and truth.  Experiencing that truth was the key to unlocking every new healing door.  All I had endured became just something to be felt and experienced, without having to create a story of what it said about me.  I finally understood what it meant to vulnerably connect with my heart, and  by so doing, trust myself again. I practiced a new way to see my partner--without judgement or expectation, and with the same compassion I now held for myself. I was able to show up in my power, holding a sacred space for my truth, with love.  I felt hope for the first time in a very long time, and was surprised when that hope breathed new life into myself and my relationships.

 

I  bring you that hope in the form of power that comes from a truthful way of being; living in alignment with values that can help create future you will love--no matter what.  I would be honored to walk with you on that path, and share this deep wisdom in a loving and supportive connected space.